Hangin' my hat in Texas

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Today marks two months of living, loving, working, rent paying, eating, exercising, driving, crying, laughing, traveling, socializing, painting, and growing in the great state of Texas. I moved here for a cause; love. So when we pulled up to his house in Sugar Land, Texas at 6 am on a Sunday, after driving through the night with a 90 lb. black lab with anal gland issues stretched across us; I knew I had "arrived." I vividly remember getting in a fight while trying to introduce the dogs that morning. I, irrationally, asked Matthew to choose if he wanted to be with me because I have a dog and a truck load of stuff that is sitting in the street. My worries of the dogs not getting along (and sheer exhaustion) made me doubt whether we could get along too. Needless to say, we (and the dogs) are getting along slendidly!

Matthew and I needed a chance to get to know each other better and face to face. We spent many months apart learning each other via unlimited cell phone minutes, texts, and monthly visits. One day we will look back and call that the old fashioned way of dating. God forbid we ever have to return to such circumstances, but just in case we forget what it's like to JUST talk to each other, we can always close our eyes and sit on opposite sides of the couch and chat. This is always good practice for when we forget how great it is to be near one another. . .

Life is full, very full. That is the best way I know to describe it. As I learn more of Matthew, I also am learn myself more. I have days of loving myself and days where I feel as though I have fallen out of love me. Those days are generally the ones where Matthew takes up the "love slack" (new song rendition?) Identity plays a large part in this falling in and out of love with one's self. I have the head knowledge, many times, to know what is healthy; mentally, physically, and spiritually, but that doesn't mean I always choose those thoughts, actions, and faithfulness/obedience.

I read a friends blog the other day and she discussed identity. I have been thinking about it ever since. She talked about a psychology class where the students were to take a sheet of paper, just simple computer paper. This paper represents "you." The students were to dray circles/squares, or whatever shape you choose to display what percentages the roles in your life take up such as: 10% daughter, 60%wife, 80% Mother, etc. This visualization of your life in roles seems to be a great practice because not only does it show you where your priorities are and how you view yourself, but also shows you how balanced or unbalanced your life is.

As I went to draw my shapes and percentages, I realized that my life has potential to be unhealthily unbalanced. And I do mean POTENTIAL- it is not yet. My goal, with God's provision and guidance, is to increase my roles for my life, as it is now, and have more things like "volunteer, "student," and "friend." This is just a simple step that really encouraged me. If my friend reads this post and I have gotten the whole idea of the psychology method wrong, please inform me. But otherwise, this is where I find myself two months into hangin' my hat in Texas.

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